The Mental Load of Mothers: More Than Just a To-Do List

Being a mum is a whirlwind of chaos, love, exhaustion, and joy. Every day comes with its own set of challenges, and it often feels like there's no end in sight. But what makes motherhood particularly overwhelming is something that’s often invisible, yet always present: the mental load. It’s not just about the tasks we do as mums but the thought behind every task, the emotional energy we pour into it, and the planning that happens behind the scenes. It’s no wonder we feel like our brains are constantly in overdrive.

The mental load is a term that’s become more common in recent years, but it’s been around as long as mothers have. It’s the behind-the-scenes work that goes into managing a household, caring for the kids, and making sure everything runs smoothly. It’s remembering that your child has a school project due next week, mentally planning when you'll have time to pick up supplies, and then finding the energy to help them actually do the project. It’s knowing when the laundry needs to be done, who needs to be fed what, and making sure there’s enough time for everyone's doctor’s appointments.

But the mental load isn’t just a list of things to do. It’s the constant emotional and mental juggling that mums do. It’s the invisible part that makes it feel like we’re always on the clock, even when we’re physically resting.

Let's break it down, because it’s not as simple as saying, “Oh, the kids need dinner, I’ll just whip something up.” Nope, it’s so much more than that.

First, there’s the emotional side. You might start by thinking about what your kids actually like to eat. Sure, you could just throw something together, but let’s be real – there's that sinking feeling in your gut that if you don’t cater to their taste buds, you’ll be facing a tantrum. Or worse, the dreaded “I’m not hungry” line that comes right after you’ve spent an hour preparing their dinner.

Then there's the part where you feel guilty for not offering something healthy enough, or worrying about whether your kids are getting enough nutrients. In your head, it’s not just about what’s in the fridge – it’s about their long-term health, how what they eat today might affect them tomorrow, and whether you’re doing a good enough job as a mum. And suddenly, making a simple dinner feels like you’re planning a nutrition plan for the entire week.

And this is before you’ve even stepped into the kitchen.

Now, once you’ve decided what you’re going to make (after running through an entire checklist of dietary preferences, time constraints, and what’s actually in the fridge), comes the planning.

Say the task is getting your child ready for school. On the surface, it looks like this: get them up, get them dressed, feed them, and get them out the door. But if we zoom in a bit, there’s so much more happening here. You’re mentally keeping track of whether their school uniform is clean (and if it’s not, you’re thinking about when you’ll have time to do laundry), whether their shoes are still holding up or if you need to squeeze in a shopping trip to replace them, and whether they’ve finished their homework – oh, and did you sign that permission slip for the school trip next week? Better find that before they remind you last minute.

There’s also the mental juggling act of balancing their mood that morning. If they wake up tired, you’re already planning how to keep the peace, how to get them out of bed without a meltdown, and how to sneak in some breakfast without it turning into a battle. If they’re too quiet, you’re wondering if they’re feeling okay, and if they’re being too loud, you’re calculating the quickest way to calm them down before they’re late.

And this is just for one morning. By the time they’re out the door, your brain’s already run a mental marathon.

Once you’ve done all the thinking, it’s time to actually do the task. And this is where the mental load really shows its weight. It’s not just about doing the thing – it’s about doing the thing while juggling a hundred other things in your head.

For instance, while you’re helping with homework, you’re thinking about whether the school lunch you packed for tomorrow is nutritious enough, mentally noting that you need to call the doctor’s office to schedule an appointment, and trying to remember if you’ve paid the electricity bill. You’re physically in one place, but your mind is a swirling vortex of to-do lists and what-ifs.

And when you finally get the task done, there’s rarely a moment to pause and appreciate the accomplishment. Because as soon as you’ve finished one thing, ten more are waiting. Did you remember to defrost the chicken for dinner tomorrow? Did you confirm that playdate for the weekend? Oh, and don’t forget to reply to that email from school about the PTA meeting next month.

It’s no wonder so many mums feel overwhelmed. It’s not that the tasks themselves are impossible – it’s that the mental load behind each task is relentless. You’re not just ticking things off a list, you’re managing an entire head full of needs, emotions, and responsibilities. You’re constantly playing the long game, thinking not just about today but tomorrow, next week, and beyond.

Every task is connected to another, and the emotional weight of it all can be staggering. There’s the guilt of not doing enough, the worry of whether you’re doing it right, and the pressure to keep everything running smoothly. And because this mental load is often invisible, it can feel isolating. The world might not see all the behind-the-scenes work that goes into making sure your kids are cared for and the household is running, but you feel it every single day.

The emotional side of the mental load can be just as exhausting, if not more so. As mums, we worry about our kids, constantly. Even when they’re fine, we’re thinking about their future, their emotional well-being, their friendships, their health.

It’s not just about doing the tasks – it’s about the emotional investment in every decision. From what time they should go to bed to whether they’re getting enough social interaction, there’s always something that tugs at our hearts and minds.

And then there’s the feeling of not being able to switch off. Even when we try to rest, our brains are wired to keep thinking, planning, worrying. The mental load doesn’t clock out at 5 PM. It’s with us in the middle of the night when we’re lying awake, wondering if we remembered to send that work email or reply to a text message. It’s with us in the shower when we’re mentally planning out tomorrow’s to-do list.

When you add all of this up, it’s no surprise that the mental load can take a serious toll on a mum’s mental health. Constantly feeling like there’s too much to do and not enough time to do it, all while managing the emotional weight of motherhood, can lead to burnout, anxiety, and feelings of inadequacy.

Mums are often told they should be “superheroes,” but the truth is, we’re human. And the mental load of motherhood can push us to our limits, leaving us feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, and alone. This is why it’s so important to acknowledge the mental load and talk about it openly. It’s not something we should have to carry alone, and it’s certainly not something that should go unnoticed or unappreciated.

So, what can we do? It starts with recognising the mental load for what it is: an invisible but very real weight. Sharing the load with your partner, family members, or friends can make a huge difference. Even just talking about it can help alleviate some of the pressure.

It’s also important to give ourselves permission to not do everything. The world won’t fall apart if the laundry doesn’t get folded today, or if dinner isn’t a gourmet meal every night. Sometimes, good enough is good enough.

Prioritising self-care is crucial too. We often put ourselves last on the list, but taking time for yourself isn’t selfish – it’s necessary. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and recharging your own energy is vital to managing the mental load.

The mental load of motherhood is something we don’t talk about nearly enough, but it’s always there, silently weighing us down. It’s more than just the tasks we do – it’s the planning, the emotional investment, and the constant thinking that goes into keeping our families running.

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by it all, know that you’re not alone. The mental load is real, and it’s okay to acknowledge how hard it can be. Motherhood is a beautiful journey, but it’s also filled with challenges, and carrying the mental load is one of the biggest. By recognising it, sharing the burden, and taking care of ourselves, we can lighten the load and make space for the joy that comes with being a mum.

If you know a mumma who is feeling the weight of the maternal mental load, why not send her a Mumma 2 Mumma card to let her know you are there for her and understand.